Beanpole scarlet striker Dave Kitson has showcased his immaculately coiffeured orange barnet to the top clubs in the nether regions of the English Premier League, and added a much needed soupcon of ging to the otherwise uniformly bland football horizon. His eye for goal has sadly been poked recently after a lamentable spell at rough-and-tumble neanderthals Stoke City, whose lumpen brand of prehistoric tactics held no truck with the silken skills and finesse of Big Red Kitson. Despite his big money move, he was dolorous at his new home, and quickly returned to Reading, his natural abode. It was here, during a lightening spell of goal poaching, that his bloodshot bouffant came to the attention of England supremo Fabio Capello, who almost, almost, called him into the squad. But he didn't in the end. Right: Dave Kitson, goading norm-hairs in the stand after scoring a winner and silencing their anti-bronzeballs chanting.
